@Acres
You
have to go. What she’s doing, is trying to reverse parent-child relationship, and force
you to attend to
her needs. This is absolutely infantile and abusive. Look up Fear, Obligation, and Guilt - she is using the latter two, guilt-tripping you and manipulating you with the presumed obligation to “family”. Note that you’re an adult, and YOU ARE YOUR OWN FAMILY NOW. Parents are extended family. Parents are also adults and can take care of themselves, and if she failed to learn how to,
that’s on her.
Additionally, she already
doesn’t support you like how a parent should, and your already present intention to leave means you can support yourself financially (and there’s us for emotional support, though not as good as personal one).
Be wary - she can and most likely will sabotage your attempts to leave, including faking emergencies
not unlike covid hysteria in fact. If she pretends there’s an emergency, react like it’s a true emergency - call authorities. Most likely you’ll have to resist the urge to tell her various important things, like the date on which you’re moving out, because of aforementioned attempts to sabotage.
It will be hard, because humans are hard-wired to trust their parents (or they’d be unable to survive first years of life), and it takes DECADES of abuse to break said instinct. But she is subverting it for her own ends, instead of raising an independent adult.
Most importantly,
SECURE YOUR VITAL DOCUMENTS IMMEDIATELY. Birth certificate, SSD, ID, whatever documents you can access, move them to a secure place. If she hid them and refuses to give them, get copies. After those are secure, move your important belongings - money, mementos, keepsakes, your hardware, anything that is small and valuable and hence can be used to manipulate you and keep you lodged halfway inside her. Leave large and unimportant things, like furniture, for last.
Also secure your money, and if you’re in USA, freeze your credit with all three agencies. Don’t share money with her - she
will play on the perceived obligation to “pay the parents” to drain you of money. Remember: she is an adult. She can pay for herself. Anything you give your parents is not payment for a job they had to do anyway by instinct and by law, it’s a gift out of gratitude - and if she’s acting like that, there can be no gratitude.