I don’t like venting publicly, but since I don’t have a therapist and I can’t tell this to my friends, I guess I’ll put it here.
I find it hard to find a genuine friend in people, all I’ve had were online friends but they stopped talking to me once they got a glimpse of what I’m actually like. The closest thing I’ve had to real life friends where my cousins, but since they’re off getting their lives together, they stopped having anything to do with me. One comes to visit me every blue moon but all he talks about is flings and events with friends which makes me sick.
I used to go to a group that that focused around teaching adults about coping, living situations, and other support, but I’ve only hung out with a few people there, none I’d consider friends though. Perhaps it’s just that I’m not capable of making proper friends, or maybe I’m not sure how to go about doing it.
Thinking back, I’ve never had a major bond with any of my grandparents or aunts either, compared to my brother who got to create fond memories with them, that may be coincidental but it really makes me realize that I’ve pretty much been sheltered and alone all my life.