Random Nonsense Thread
AlsoSprachOdin
Years ago I had a black dog that talked. Its true, he could talk. I took him to a nightclub and auditioned;
Very simply I turned to Fido and said “Tell me Fido, whats over our heads?”
Dog said “Rooof!”
Then I said “Tell me Fido, whats sand paper like?”
Dog said “Ruff”
Finally I asked him “who the greatest baseball player whoever lived was?”
Dog said “Ruth”
Nightclub owner had us both thrown out the back door. When we were laying in the street, Fido turned to me and said “Think I should have said Demaggio?”
I tell ya I get no respect.
Very simply I turned to Fido and said “Tell me Fido, whats over our heads?”
Dog said “Rooof!”
Then I said “Tell me Fido, whats sand paper like?”
Dog said “Ruff”
Finally I asked him “who the greatest baseball player whoever lived was?”
Dog said “Ruth”
Nightclub owner had us both thrown out the back door. When we were laying in the street, Fido turned to me and said “Think I should have said Demaggio?”
I tell ya I get no respect.
Anonymous #6A1E
Babu of Pakistan should have gotten his revenge on Seinfeld in the final season of Senifeld
He vowed to save every Rupee in addition to exacting revenge on that (((very bad man))). It would have been neat to see him at least try to directly get back at Jerry
He vowed to save every Rupee in addition to exacting revenge on that (((very bad man))). It would have been neat to see him at least try to directly get back at Jerry
Officer Hotpants 
Moderator
Double-0 Negative
@Anonymous #6A1E
What, like shooting him outside the courthouse?
What, like shooting him outside the courthouse?
Anonymous #CCA1
Fucking like it!
You think it is funny, what the fuck you think it is doing to me?
Captions:
Fucking like it!
You think it is funny, what the fuck you think it is doing to me?
Anonymous #386F
I gotta tell you something
A monkey broke into my fucking house while I was showering.
He ate my deoderant and thought it was ice cream, and he said to me “This is my house, I live with you now! You’ll deal with me forever, cunt”
Then he proceeded to eat more deoderant and he stole my stuff and he is now playing the pony milking game which ruined my life
A monkey broke into my fucking house while I was showering.
He ate my deoderant and thought it was ice cream, and he said to me “This is my house, I live with you now! You’ll deal with me forever, cunt”
Then he proceeded to eat more deoderant and he stole my stuff and he is now playing the pony milking game which ruined my life
Havoc 
Half Dragon, Half Meme
@Anonymous #386F
I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.
Although humourous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta’ dropped dead. Kinda’ like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn’t know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn’t work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn’t want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn’t all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odour wasn’t improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn’t take that one either. I didn’t bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn’t know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying.
Ingrates.
So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.
Although humourous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta’ dropped dead. Kinda’ like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn’t know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn’t work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn’t want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn’t all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odour wasn’t improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn’t take that one either. I didn’t bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn’t know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying.
Ingrates.
So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
FeatherTrap 
Knight of Boops
@Officer Hotpants
Days without hatecrime counter reset back to zero… >.<
Days without hatecrime counter reset back to zero… >.<
