Random Nonsense Thread

Gordon Ramsay finds grease traps clogged with a gallon of thick black crude oil.

Owner says, “That’s grease from the hood.”

Black employee gives her a look that says, “Motherfucker, say ‘grease from the hood’ one more time. I dare you.”

Moby’s dick is so famous it got its own book.

An orse is an orse of course of course

There’s a product called the Campbell Posture Cane that uses TV lies to sell you stuff. Everything sold on TV lies that doing anything is impossible unless you use a special product.

One of them is the Campbell Posture Cane.

Instead of being shaped like a normal cane it’s a weird exotic cane that lies about being adjustable. Normal canes are adjustable. The commercial shows people holding normal canes purposefully adjusted to the shortest possible setting so the people have to hunch over to a dangerous degree. Only the Campbell Posture Cane shows people adjusting the cane to the proper height so the Overman can walk with full back lordosis like Axel in Harlem.

The picture they release even shows the X-ray of the spine backward:

From one Amazon review:

Other reviews say the cane is too tall for shorter people (below 5’5’’) even at the shortest setting, doesn’t support the weight of the average American, doesn’t stand upright like it’s supposed to, frequently comes loose, and the handle is too smooth to get a proper grip.

Big fuckin’ chicken
You go big, and you are
Spicy
Big fuckin’ chicken
Spicy fuckin’ chicken

Every time someone says “The White Man did this” or “The White Man did that”, this is the guy they are talking about. This must be the whitest picture I’ve ever seen. This is the guy who took all the Indians’ land. And he was working alone. He conquered all of Africa by himself. He’s that good.

He wasn’t alone.

@Twiface
You don’t get to bring friends.

This isn’t Yemeni, it’s Sulawesi! And the cups shaking! I don’t want my coffee shaking!

The beheadings will continue until morale whatevers.

Saw the beginning of a biography of Agatha Christie.

She was engaged to a man who was very rich and lived in a “pile”, which isn’t just a mansion (they showed a picture of the place), it’s not a stately manor house, this was a full-ass castle with turrets and a draw bridge and dragons and shit. The man was described as “kind” and “safe” which means no amount of money is going to make him sexy.

Instead Agatha ran off with some guy who was “tall”. He was a pilot who drove a motor cycle. This guy had a mistress, which is the ultimate aphrodisiac. He also looked like this:

The other guy could have like 50 goddamn piles, it wouldn’t have helped him.

Jimmy Neutron should have gotten either a 4th season, OR a finale film made by Nickelodeon movies.
Late stage Fairly Oddparets aka the episodes after the birth of Poof, should have been wiped from canon. It would have made sense to put FOP to rest at that point at the latest.
Now, however, seeing as Nick execs either squeezed Butch Hartman’s shows dry, or if not, snub it (Danny Phantom) of his creative intentions for how it was supposed to end, I see it more likely that Timmy Turner by the hot mess of a fucking series finale as being either an unhinged fuckwit in prison, or a homeless drug addict barely living off of Welfare after his fairies left him.

Be on your best behavior this month.
Otherwise Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet will birch you and haul you off to Spain in a sack.

So? Drones, right?

They begin their invasion in New Jersey, correct?

How many of you think UrbanMysticDee has something to do with all this?