Random Nonsense Thread

@Acres  

Last week or the week before I got coffee at the store. No, it was the night of the blizzard, so that was the week before Christmas. I brought the coffee home, took the lid off to let it cool a little, and I noticed the room smelled like maple syrup. So I’m sitting there thinking, did I spill maple syrup on the rug or something and not notice it? You see, the previous day I had pancakes, so maybe I spilled it and forgot about it because I was so busy with the blizzard. I look around, can’t find anything. I figure if I’m going to do any real detective work I’m going to need some coffee to clear my head. So I go to take a sip of my coffee and the smell gets stronger. I put my nose to the coffee and inhale, and that’s when I realized it. Those sons of bitches. They spilled maple syrup in my coffee. I’m exhausted and in agony and now I have to make my own coffee after days of work.

@UrbanMysticDee  
Did it taste good?
 
Kinda sounds good to me.

@Acres  
I’m not drinking that.

@UrbanMysticDee  
Did I get your money back at least?

@Acres  
Not worth it.

@Acres  
Right? I kind of want to try that now. Use the syrup as a sweetener.

@Officer Hotpants  
I’ve done that plenty of times. I prefer not adding milk if I’m going to use syrup as the sweetening agent.

@ANoobis  
Milk? Huh. Never considered that, either. Suppose it could work.

Give me your favorite copypastes.

@Havoc  
||Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more  
||

@Officer Hotpants  
I wonder if the author actually thought each of the Pokémon through like that. And if this was written before Lopunny showed up.

@ANoobis  
Meh. Lopunny is weak. Vaporeon is greatest monster wife.
 
… or Ninetales. I can never decide.

Of all the presidents’ wives, Eleanor Roosevelt is the ugliest

@UrbanMysticDee  
We need a harem anime where all the first ladies are reimagined as high school girls.

@Officer Hotpants  
Umberon and Esbron are the best eveelotions. Cause they were in Pokémon colosseum.

@Havoc  
That’s a funny way to spell Leafeon

@UrbanMysticDee  
That’s a funny way to spell charizard.

Best eeveelution  

@Acres  
That is both basic and not an eeveelution.

@Acres  
Charizard can’t evolve from eevee

@Havoc
 
@UrbanMysticDee  
Well aware of that.

@Acres  
Weird way of spelling “Beedrill is the best Pokémon.”.

@Havoc  
People actually played that?
 
@UrbanMysticDee  
I actually made up a grass Eeveelution as a kid that I called Leafeon. My design looked more like an Eevee, though. A mane of leaves and a tail that looked like a palm frond.

@Officer Hotpants  
Yes. It’s probably the darkest Pokémon game ever.  
Plus it has the coolest protag. He’s an ex-gang LEADER and the game opens with him robbing his former gang.