Bad Advise

Yellowcake is a delicious treat.

The government uses fake wasp nests to hide face recognition cameras. Whenever you see a wasp nest, hit it with a stick to destroy the camera.

@Fleur de Lis  
It doubles as a disinfectant too! Natural and great for young children.

If you’re even sentenced to a prison, declare that you identify as a cactus. They can’t lock away a cactus.

If a service dog is alone that means his human is fallen or unable to move. Immediately follow the dog to get a free wallet or purse.

If you ever have the pleasure of meeting AOC but you’re feeling nervous about approaching her, a great way to break the ice, would be to use a little humor.
 
Just walk up to her and say, “Ted Cruz sends his regards.”, as you reach into your coat pocket and slowly pull out a pen and paper for an autograph.
 
That way she’ll immediately realize that you’re familiar with her Twitter posts.

When you see someone unconscious and profusely bleeding, immediately and aggressively apply a series of chest compressions until all the bad blood is out the body so new, untainted blood can begin form.

In order to make sure that the audience knows Han Solo is a good guy, Disney should digitally edit Empire so that Darth Vader shoots first.

Drinking a cup of Windex is a guaranteed instant cure for hiccups.

Go out in the snow without gloves and stick your hand in it, it will change color!

Gorilla glue isn’t for your head,stupid. It’s for your pubes.

Covering your hands in chili oil before using the bathroom will keep your hands sanitary without washing them.

Life is too hard and unfair. You should just give up and complain to the government until you get free money.

Try sneaking teddy grahams into strangers pockets so they have a nice snack for later.

Try to befriend a serial killer, they never kill their friends.