Food Horror
UrbanMysticDee 
Bae > Bay
Kraft Dinner tastes like absolutely nothing. So does Tofu. Someone told me that’s the point. Tofu tastes like nothing because you’re supposed to put stuff on it to give it taste, but that’s stupid. I could eat anything else at that point.
On the other end of the spectrum, celery is one of the most repulsive things I’ve ever eaten (not including drugs). Even trying to swallow it hole like a pill is repulsive. I don’t understand why everyone puts it in everything. Also a few years back on Thanksgiving, back when people were allowed to interact with one another, I was given something called an “apple critter”. It tasted like vomit. And “blondies” are disgusting too. You remove the best ingredient in brownies and replace it with crap.
On the other end of the spectrum, celery is one of the most repulsive things I’ve ever eaten (not including drugs). Even trying to swallow it hole like a pill is repulsive. I don’t understand why everyone puts it in everything. Also a few years back on Thanksgiving, back when people were allowed to interact with one another, I was given something called an “apple critter”. It tasted like vomit. And “blondies” are disgusting too. You remove the best ingredient in brownies and replace it with crap.
Anonymous #32F0
It is much too late for it to be topical, but as a cooking hobbyist I can tell you that celery is a French thing generally. Specifically it is part of what they call the “mirepoix,” a combination of vegetables that enhances the flavor of meat and meat stock. The classic continental French mirepoix is carrot, onion, and celery. Chicken stock and beef stock are cooked with these vegetables, among other things. The Cajun equivalent is “trinity,” in which red bell pepper is substituted for the carrots. In England it is parsnips that are substituted for the celery, at least for lamb, veal, and fish stocks and soups based on them.
This is mirepoix before it gets dumped into the pan with chicken, salt, pepper, and a bit of garlic.
Oh. Cursed food, huh? Once I made a from-scratch butter pie crust and had managed to run out of salt. The crust of a pie for a sweet filling needs a pinch of salt and a pinch of sugar to make it taste like pie crust and not like compacted Wonder Bread. I substituted MSG for the salt, and made a blackberry pie with it. It turns out that salty umami can’t really be swapped out for salt in a fruit pie without dire gustatory consequences. I won’t be doing that again.
But it’s not as bad as a late relative of mine, who baked a chocolate cake, and needed butter to make chocolate buttercream frosting. She was out of butter, shortening, margarine, and even lard. But she was a Southern woman and she had some bacon grease. She reasoned that butter and bacon grease were both mostly fat, and the strong flavors of cocoa powder and vanilla would surely cover up any other flavors that bacon grease might bring in, so she was determined to adapt, improvise, and overcome. As it turned out, her reasoning was flawed. She didn’t do that again.
celery
It is much too late for it to be topical, but as a cooking hobbyist I can tell you that celery is a French thing generally. Specifically it is part of what they call the “mirepoix,” a combination of vegetables that enhances the flavor of meat and meat stock. The classic continental French mirepoix is carrot, onion, and celery. Chicken stock and beef stock are cooked with these vegetables, among other things. The Cajun equivalent is “trinity,” in which red bell pepper is substituted for the carrots. In England it is parsnips that are substituted for the celery, at least for lamb, veal, and fish stocks and soups based on them.
This is mirepoix before it gets dumped into the pan with chicken, salt, pepper, and a bit of garlic.
Oh. Cursed food, huh? Once I made a from-scratch butter pie crust and had managed to run out of salt. The crust of a pie for a sweet filling needs a pinch of salt and a pinch of sugar to make it taste like pie crust and not like compacted Wonder Bread. I substituted MSG for the salt, and made a blackberry pie with it. It turns out that salty umami can’t really be swapped out for salt in a fruit pie without dire gustatory consequences. I won’t be doing that again.
But it’s not as bad as a late relative of mine, who baked a chocolate cake, and needed butter to make chocolate buttercream frosting. She was out of butter, shortening, margarine, and even lard. But she was a Southern woman and she had some bacon grease. She reasoned that butter and bacon grease were both mostly fat, and the strong flavors of cocoa powder and vanilla would surely cover up any other flavors that bacon grease might bring in, so she was determined to adapt, improvise, and overcome. As it turned out, her reasoning was flawed. She didn’t do that again.
ANoobis 
Ghibelline Omnipotens
I posted this once in the cursed thread, but cooking “medium rare chicken” is a thing that people are doing now.
Anonymous #32F0
@ANoobis
All the supermarket deli chicken at every Kroger where I ever tried go get supermarket deli chicken, whether it was rotisserie or fried, was like that in the middle, in three or four different stores in an area nearly a hundred miles across. The last time I tried was six or seven years ago, but I’m not even going to try any more. Wal-Mart Super Center rotisserie chicken isn’t great food but it’s cheap, edible, and I’ve never found it pink in the middle.
All the supermarket deli chicken at every Kroger where I ever tried go get supermarket deli chicken, whether it was rotisserie or fried, was like that in the middle, in three or four different stores in an area nearly a hundred miles across. The last time I tried was six or seven years ago, but I’m not even going to try any more. Wal-Mart Super Center rotisserie chicken isn’t great food but it’s cheap, edible, and I’ve never found it pink in the middle.
Anonymous #32F0
@Dex Stewart
I don’t know which is more cursed, the lack of cheese or eating pizza with a fork.
I don’t know which is more cursed, the lack of cheese or eating pizza with a fork.