Thistle: -And then that bitch had the audacity to call me “a 4-year-old”. Like HOE, I’m 9 and I run Ponyville! I am a genius and I will be the next Princess of Equestria. DON’T QUESTION MY POWER, LEST YOU WANT TO MEET YOUR MAKER!!!

Pixie: Yep! She said all of that!

Digby: HYAH!! [And I bit her!]

Thistle: So yeah….wait what was your question?

Pristine: Your total is $16.01…

Thistle: Don’t be smart, you asked me a question.

Pristine: [Inhales] Do you two ever get tired of being idiots?

Pixie: Sometimes-

Thistle: I AM NOT AN IDIOT!! Most of my plans work!

Pristine: No they do not. Look, I get paid below minimum wage to bag groceries for middle-aged nobodies who complain about their libido troubles, and tweens who think buying juice boxes with paper route money is a luxury. I don’t have the time nor interest to dissect why you two have a compulsive need to the best at literally nothing of value.

Thistle: Someone’s particularly sour today! C’mon, indulge me for a little, Pristine Apple. You have nothing better to be doing. You can still stare into the void and contemplate your life without chemical support while also helping two visionaries on the rise! Isn’t that what the MAgiC of FRienDShIP is all about?

Pristine: Who’re you asking? The wage slave being accosted by the two weenies of the month and their klepto pet rat?

Pixie: Please Pristine, you usually have good advice!

Digby: NYEP NYEP [It isn’t theft if no one lives to snitch]

Pristine: [sighs] The Ponyville Day Celebration is coming soon. The ballot box for that competition Twilight is holding will be in her office in the Palace. Write your names on a huge stack of papers and put them in a backpack. Twilight and Sunset will be at the event after 10 am but Phoenix usually stays back because she will have celebrated earlier in the morning with her friends. That’s at least what my little brother always says. Phoenix is a gullible doofus and just tell the guards that you’re there to see the Princess. You’re kids, they won’t bat an eyelash at that demand. Pretend to be interested in Phoenix’s lack of dating experience/concerns. One of you slips away while she’s in mid-tangent and sneak over to Twilight’s office. Dump half of the ballots out and put in the ones with your names on them. Put the others in your bag and dispose of them later.
Don’t dip out right away and sit with Phoenix and talk about…cute people, I guess.

Thistle: And this is why you’re our favorite divorced wine-mom.

Pristine: I’m 16 and single.

Pixie: What if the ballot box has a lock?

Pristine: Slip in half of the fake ballots into the slot and shake the box so it’s evenly distributed. Then hope you’re picked.

Thistle: Thank you Pristine!

Pristine: You’re welcome, Time Wasters.

[Both kids start to run out]

Pristine: YOU MORONS STILL HAVEN’T PAID.
Thistle: THANK YOU FOR COVERING THE COST FOR US, YOU’RE A PEACH! OR AN APPLE…BYE!!
Pristine: [takes a long drag before smashing her face into the countertop]

WHO IS THIS MISERABLE LOOKING MARE?!
This is Pristine Apple, the eldest daughter of AJ, and her men.
Pristine hates literally everyone but mildly tolerates Thistle and Pixie. She knows the two are gonna mess up her instructions somehow but she really doesn’t care. They aren’t trying to do anything that dangerous and if they get caught, maybe their “stupid parents” [her words not mine] will step in.

Why doesn’t she tell their parents herself?
A) She has no idea who their parents are and B)…she’s being paid minimum wage to bag groceries and nothing else.

[She probably knows who their parents are but again, please refer to answer B)]

Also 2021…LET’S GO!!