I am the very model of a modern Major General  
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral 
I know the Kings of England, and I quote the fights historical 
From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical; 
I’m very well acquainted too, with matters mathematical 
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical 
About binomial theorem I’m teaming with a lot o’ news 
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
 
I’m very good at integral and differential calculus; 
I know the scientific names beings animalculous 
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral 
I am the very model of a modern Major General.
 
I know our mythic history, King Arthur and Sir Caradoc’s  
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox, 
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus  
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolas; 
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies, 
I know the croaking chorus from The Frog of Aristophanies! 
Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music din afore, 
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
 
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform 
And tell you every detail of a Caractacus’ uniform; 
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral 
I am the very model of a modern Major General.
 
In fact I know what is meant by “ma-melon” and “ravel-in” 
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin 
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary at, 
And when I know precisely what is meant by “commissariat”. 
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, 
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery; 
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy, 
You’ll say a better Major General has never sat-a-gee.
 
For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury, 
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; 
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral 
I am the very model of a modern Major General!