Considering buying this month’s Bruiser Bird issue? You should, because your favorite ten foot tall gryphon HIJACKED the entire DC crew and made this issue her very own! That’s right! DC’s editors and artists are locked in my super awesome squash dungeon, desperately longing for the sweet release of death. That left ME time to fill these pages with whatever the fuck I wanted.~
 
Meaning plenty of do it yourself recipes involving roasted chicken breast, steamed asparagus, locally purchased McDonald’s items, and my boyfriend’s semen! Not to mention explicit pictures of me squashing the ever-loving fuck out of my boyfriend on a bed of freshly microwaved Hot Pockets. And that’s not even the centerfold, which is wall to wall boob smothering, gun toting unicorns and and a FULL TRANSCRIPT of the previously mentioned editors and artists begging for their ribs to be spared.
 
You get ALL OF THIS set to my favorite country tune: “You’re Crunching Hard, and I’m Hard because you’re Crunching.”
 
Purchase Bruiser Bird Issue FUCK today and you will recieve, free of charge, three high ranking supervillain hostages and the COMPLETE SEXUAL HISTORY…of none other than Mia “Cobalt Rose” Pennington.~
 
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE…~
 
You’ll also receive a limited edition boobhat as well as backstage passes to my asscrack.~
 
I know, right? Some things are too good to be true and some things are just…too…good.
 
The opinions expressed in this issue are exclusive to Mia Pennington.~
 
DING!~
 
Original here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOiq_A6r8ic