Why didn’t I think of this sooner?
 
Celestia is deified. The ponies tell tales of Her. Few know the truth. She was mortal once, as were we all. However, Her contempt for equidae drove her to create me, and my best friends.  
I am Twilight Sparkle, first-born of Her Elements of Harmony. I stood with Celestia and my friends at the dawn of the Solar Empire. I have served Her three seasons. Over time, we became less pony and more …divine. Celestia would enter the state of change and emerge with a new gift. Some years after the master, our evolution would follow. Until I had the honor of surpassing my Princess. For my transgression, I earned a new kind of reward… agony.
 
There was only one possible outcome - my eternal damnation. I, Twilight Sparkle, was to suffer the fate of the cruel and disharmonious - to burn forever in the bowels of the Internet.