It’s already Spring again. The seasons have already changed.
For the first time in months I think about my family.
It wasn’t that I had forgotten that they existed, but it’s just been so long since it has entered my mind. They are probably wondering where I have been.
I remember when I first came here how painful these thoughts were. I had felt so guilty that I was abandoning them all, even though it hadn’t been my choice to come here.
This time the thoughts aren’t painful. I do not miss my family.
I do not miss home.
I am home.
While they loved me, they never could help me become the pony I was meant to be. I am much better for being here. They wouldn’t understand, and that is a shame, but that is their shame. I will not hold myself responsible for their failures.
It doesn’t matter, anyway. I don’t really feel like I need to see them.
This is my world now. My world is a small one, full of constant work. I have so much to be doing. I have so little time for thoughts.
I am aware of where my hooves are. I am aware of where my butt is, my tail, and of what is behind me. I am aware of the grip i have on the mop, held in my bars and against my tongue. I am aware of the smooth grain of the floor as the bristles slide across it. I am aware of the movements of the other slaves around me, each carrying out their part of the evening tasks.
For a single moment I realize I have already stopped thinking about my family. That thought is pushed away to make room for an estimate of how much longer mopping here will take, and an assurance that I have time to finish all my tasks for the day. Yes. Yes, I will have time. I am efficient.
I am aware of my hooves on the floor. I am aware of the mop’s movements. These are all the thoughts I need.
As I work, I feel incredibly free. I find myself hardly thinking again.
It is a very good day.
—-
I had to draw more Bad End Autumn. We call it Bad End because it’s the alternate dead-end path for Autumn where Strangled Scream discovers this loose end from Woewhinny and snatches her up and she never leaves the manor grounds again. Until Strangled Scream inevitably is discovered and defeated, like all evil in Equestria is. Who knows what happens to Autumn after that.
But that space between is Autumn’s Bad End, even though it is probably the only path her life could take where she would be genuinely happy (although also completely broken).
It’s really cathartic to think of myself in this position sometimes, with a tiny world and limited epistemology. Strangled Scream’s manor is terrible and terrifying sure he’s like a cartoon villain but still.”