For the last 4 years Ive been battle PTSD and depression from my service in the military.
No amount of pills, or therapy has been able to fix the issues Ive had.
The last 2 weeks Ive been more happy then Ive ever been. Its been an absolute struggle and I refuse to let this slip away.
My stamina in the bed room as gone from 3-5 minutes to well over an hour(which is honestly a curse because I cant nut), I can make people laugh again, and Im generally just much more happy this way. I stopped taking my anti depressants 2 months ago without telling anyone because on medication, no one believes you can survive off of it. Not my doctor, not my friends or my family. But im carving my own path now. This sounds like a positive vent story but Ive just been so frustrated with how easy things are falling into place, that I hate myself for it. I want to be happy but everything I say or do to individuals upsets them. Im honestly crying right now just trying to type this. My doctor said I might also suffer from a form of savant syndrome or another neuro-divergent mental health condition as well which explains my unhappiness.
We’ll I think im at least finally figuring out what I want to do in life. I dont have an exact job title or career in mind but I want to make the world a better place for everyone. If that means leveling mountains or exploring the depths of the ocean, I will figure it out. I guess this my official, stepping down from PB post, at least for now. Im pursuing a degree in cybersecurity right now and classes start in about 3 months. Ive been studying everything from CSS, JS, C#, C____, and elixer to help myself get prepared. I was doing it mostly for the board but I cant handle dealing with too many people at once right now. I need to focus on me for the time being. I want to be the best admin I can be, but I dont have the people skills for it yet. I hope I can improve so the stress doesnt get to me.
I want to thank this community for all the love and support it has given me in the past, even the the negative criticism. Its all been helpful. Im happy where the board is now, but I hope it can get better. (You) deserve it. You guys are my life blood, and finding this motivation and this (maybe temporary) cure to my depression has helped me out immensely finding inner happiness. Im positive im leaving this image board in the hands of those who want to see this place succced. Zizzy, cotton, sapphie, evan, acres, anon, ,delta, messenger, zippy. You are all fantastic people to work with. But I need to work on myself before I can come back. I didn’t so much as give you a fair warning, but maybe i’ll be back and ready to work before I even start school. Time will tell and I hope you will all be my very best friends if I return. I absolutely left on a sour note, but I cant handle it right now. Im sorry. I just want to be happy. Truly.