Movies That DON'T Suck

UrbanMysticDee
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I’ve got a list of many of the movies I’ve seen (the ones I can remember, numbering 251), and I’ve given an A+ (not necessarily 100/100) to 10 movies:
 
The Crow  
Gladiator  
The Land Before Time  
Leon: The Professional  
The Matrix  
My Little Pony: Equestria Girls  
The Passion of the Christ  
Predator  
Risen  
The Shack
Dex Stewart
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I wanted to make a list of my favorite movies people probably haven’t heard of.  
The Birthday  
Corey Feldman stars as a young man at a party with his girlfriend’s family. Odd things happen,and things get weirder as the night progresses.
 
Rock’N Rule  
In a bizzarre future, anthropomorphic animals live their lives and play rock music.
 
Extreme Heist  
A martial arts/crime flick made by the Power Rangers Stunt crew with no restrictions. Good performances from Johnny Bosch and Jason Narvy,as well as well choreographed fights throughout.
 
Blood Punch  
The cast and crew of Power Rangers RPM star in this bloody crime/fantasy/dark comedy.  
Milo Cawthorne stars as a not so good guy stuck in a time loop,trying desperately to escape,while also repeatedly killing his new girlfriend’s ex.
 
Fight Son Goku,Win Son Goku!(North Korean Dragonball)  
The cast and crew of a Journey to the West stage play try their hand at making a live action Dragonball movie. Technically,it is still the best live action Dragonball movie. Effects are bad,camerawork is worse,the film drags in spots,but it’s a fun movie. The people involved clearly had fun and had a love for Dragonball,which is something I can’t say for Evolution,or even the Hong Kong film.
 
The Powerpuff Girls-The Movie  
The most mainstream movie on this list. It’s actually really good. It’s what got me to want to watch the cartoon series.
Anonymous #8858
I have a softspot for deconstructed “Spaghetti Westerns.” I think “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly,” “The Wild Bunch,” and “Once Upon a Time in the West” are among the best films ever made, Peckinpah’s quaint slow-mo 1960s ultraviolence and all. I also have a soft spot for an obscure spaghetti-wannabee, Martin Rackin’s 1967 “Rough Night in Jericho” with George Peppard and Dean Martin. I think it may be the only film made with Dean Martin that was absolutely straight action-drama with no hint of comedy, not even black humor. He was cast as the heavy, a corrupt sheriff named Flood, and is credibly menacing and brutal in the role.
 
For Westerns more conventional in tone, “Big Jake” with John Wayne is a dark piece of cinematography that shares a theme with “The Wild Bunch,” and maybe not even on a level the writers and directors were conscious of, about a weary old man whom a new era has passed by. The “gratuitous violence” that horrified critics in 1971 is now cartoonish, a quaint artifact from a world long gone. “The Searchers” with John Wayne is also maybe more than a little unconsciously symbolic, a story about a bitter man who’s consumed by his own rage at a changed world, which was a bold stance for a film to take in 1956. It’s a dark film centered on Wayne’s character Ethan, who goes back and forth between being an antihero and a villainous protagonist.
 
Best zombie apocalypse movie ever made was “The Omega Man” with Charlton Heston, which awakened in me a lifelong desire to own a Smith & Wesson M76 submachinegun, and to take potshots at zombies with an M1918 BAR with a night vision scope from a balcony while wearing an Edwardian smoking jacket with a ruffled collar.
 
“The Dirty Dozen,” “The Bridge on the River Kwai,” and “Kelly’s Heroes” are the best World War II movies, deconstructing and challenging popcultural myths about the war that even eighty years later border on the sacred.
 
I also have some admiration for the genre of 1950s-60s proto-steampunk quasi-Victorian adventure films like “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” and “Around the World in 80 Days,” which usually were either based on a Jules Verne novel or had Vincent Price, sometimes both. The best of them, and the most subversive, was 1968’s “The Assassination Bureau, Ltd.” with Oliver Reed doing his best James Bond impression alongside a young, delicious Diana Rigg. It’s a surreal black comedy-adventure that seems to be set in an alternate universe somewhere between 1900 and 1920, one where the First World War never took place, pertaining to a plot to start a devastating world war… possibly because it’s based on an unfinished Jack London novel from 1910. Everything is wrought-iron and covered with gigantic knobby rivets. Except for Diana Rigg, of course. It’s colorful and weird, and doesn’t always make much sense, but Diana Rigg was always delightful to look at, and whoever did set design and props deserved an Oscar.
 
The “James Bond” films created the “spy movie” genre in the long-distant, long-dead 1960s, an era so innocent that you could make a movie about a clandestine agent of a Western government and cast him as a protagonist, and people would not only find this plausible but lay down cash money to be entertained by it. The genre was parodied mercilessly almost immediately, and probably the best of them were the Matt Helm films with Dean Martin, made between 1965 and 1968, “Murderer’s Row,” “The Wrecking Crew,” “The Silencers,” and “The Ambushers.” They are relentlessly silly, and no one’s taking any of it the least bit seriously, least of all Dean Martin himself, smirking his way through every scene. Oddly, the original Matt Helm pulp spy novels by the late Donald Hamilton were all deadly serious and brutally violent, with scenes that may make even jaded Internet kiddies who grew up with Ogrish and Rotten.com wince. None of that is obvious from the films, which are entertainingly silly with a tone not too different from the “Get Smart” TV series, and lots of eye candy in the form of Elke Sommer and Ann-Margaret. There was going to be a fifth Matt Helm film, but Sharon Tate was murdered just before production was to begin, and the decision was made to drop the whole thing silently rather than try to cast someone else in the role.
 
Another personal favorite of mine is 1963’s “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World,” a very dark comedy-adventure film about greedy idiots searching for treasure. The scenes with Jonathan Williams as a short-tempered, dim-witted truck driver are all a joy to watch.
 
Speaking of comedies, 1983’s “Doctor Detroit” with Dan Akroyd and Howard Hesseman is another personal favorite, a goofy comedy about a mild-mannered college professor who is, inexplicably, talked into standing in for a notorious pimp who’s being hunted by the Mob. It features a Devo soundtrack, a rotisserie kabob sword fight, and lots of eye candy in the form of Donna Dixon, Lydia Lei Kawahara, Lynn Whitfield, and a young, hot Fran Drescher. I don’t really see what more you could have wanted from a film in the 1980s.
 
Lastly, there’s another film I admire that could never have been made at any time but the 1960s, “Candy” with Swedish model Ewa Aulin in a psychedelic parody of Voltaire’s “Candide,” with a script written by Buck Henry based on a Terry Southern novel. Has everybody who was anybody in Hollywood circa 1968, from Walter Matthau to Marlon Brando to Ringo Starr, of all people, all chewing cheerfully on the scenery while Miss Aulin, as the eponymous Candy, stands there and looks adorably confused. None of it makes the least bit of sense and no one cares, because everyone’s having too much fun, and the sense of fun is infectious. And Giuseppe Rotunno’s cinematography is gorgeous.
UrbanMysticDee
Chatty Kirin - A user who has reached a combined 1000 forum posts or comments.
Liberty Belle - Sings the song of the unchained

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I guess I’ll put this here, because Falling Down most definitely does not suck, but I don’t really want to talk about the whole movie, just the Nazi.
 
The Nazi store owner is actually the hero of the story and Foster is the villain. A number of people think he’s the hero because they don’t like his victims, but that doesn’t make any of his actions justified.
 
Think about it. By the time the store owner was making his citizen’s arrest Foster was already guilty of multiple counts of armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, vandalism, illegal possession of multiple firearms, illegal discharge of multiple firearms, attempted murder, holding multiple people hostage, and he was on his way to commit murder-suicide of his wife, daughter, and himself.
 
Yet somehow he’s the hero when really all but two of his victims were innocent.
 
The Korean store owner had already seen the horrors of the Rodney King riots and was rightfully wary of some guy entering his store and making demands for money (Foster himself would later refuse to give money to the homeless bum, proving himself a hypocrite).
 
He was, by his own admission, trespassing on the gang members’ property and admitted he wouldn’t want them on his property and, judging by his history of violence, would likely have used force to get rid of them like they were using against him.
 
The gang members did do a drive by shooting, but they crashed the car, so when Foster stole their almost certainly illegal guns and shot one of them when they were incapacitated that’s a felony right there.
 
He then holds a restaurant hostage because they’ve switched over to the lunch menu. It may have been a few minutes past the deadline, but they had to prepare the kitchen probably 30+ minutes in advance and it is totally unreasonable to have to switch back just to accommodate one customer. Not only did he steal food, but considering the number of people he held at gunpoint and his negligent discharge, we’re looking at serious prison time, maybe even life imprisonment.
 
William Foster is not a good guy by any stretch of the imagination.
Dex Stewart
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I finally watched Big Fish. Good flick. I love that the ending leaves so much up to interpretation,it’s not clear how much of the movie is to have Actually happened and how much is fantasy. Tim Burton’s talents of surrealism work beautifully here. Plus every few minutes I see another one of my favorite actors.
Dex Stewart
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Yokai Monsters:100 Monsters  
This is a cool,spooky,and at times goofy film. The ghost and monster effects are clever and fun,and holds a mysterious tone.  
An element I really appreciate is how in the end it’s not clear whether or not the ghosts and creatures were ever truly there,and it may have all been in the humans’ heads.  
The film spawned two sequels,and a remake that took inspiration mainly from the second in the series.  
The first sequel is fine,but the original’s creepy tone is gone,and it’s more of a straight fantasy film with the ghosts and monsters explicitly featuring as main characters. It drags a bit as it goes along.  
The third film is odd, focusing mainly in the human characters,with the ghosts barely playing a part at all. It’s a fine film,though. An old man is murdered,and before he dies he gives his grandaughter a pouch and directions to the father she never met. The men who murdered her grandfather think she has an incriminating scroll,and hunt her trying to get it back. One man is about to beat her,but sees what’s in the pouch she was carrying. It’s a pair of dice,his dice. He’s her father,and decides to change his ways and raise his daughter. The ghosts show up to kill the last couple bad guys. This one may have been better without the ghosts actually.  
The remake,Great Yokai War follows a young boy who teams up with a group of Yokai to defeat an evil spirit who is creating machine monsters.
ThatJewAsshole

Not sure if this is the best place to put it, but Waco: The Rules of Engagement might be the most important documentary I have ever watched. If you want to know just how much your government cares about you, watch it. But be warned, you might be pissed off for the rest of the day.  
It’s still on YouTube, too.
EverfreeEmergencies
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Ended up watching Raya and The Last Dragon at my half brother’s house. It was fairly predictable, but alright. Might watch it again so I can actually hear the movie if I can find it.  
I’m glad the dragon’s human form didn’t stick around for too long. The dragon form was far cuter and I was worried she’d remain an ugly hippie until the last five minutes.
Anonymous #EE52
Roger Corman’s Battle Beyond the Stars, from 1980. It’s an above-average Star Wars knockoff, and, like Star Wars, borrows the plot and stock characters of a Kurosawa film and puts them in space. It has adequate performances from Robert Vaughn as a dark, brooding, grimderp assassin and George Peppard as a happy-go-lucky munitions smuggler and space gunslinger. Peppard appears to be having a wonderful time. Vaughn, more or less reprising his role from the 1960 Western “The Magnificent Seven,” yet another film that “borrowed” freely from Kurosawa, has “I am not getting paid enough for this” all over his face in every scene where he appears.
 
A relic of an era of mediocre Flash Gordon style adventure films set in space, all of which were shameless money-grabs ripping off George Lucas, Battle Beyond the Stars is, forty years later, at the top of an admittedly undistinguished heap of Star Wars wannabees.
ANoobis
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Ghibelline Omnipotens
I just watched The Crow for the first time tonight. I wish I had gone for The Crow instead of renting Spawn (repeatedly) as a kid, I had no idea what I was missing this whole time.
Anonymous #EE52
Sam Peckinpah’s brilliant anti-Western The Wild Bunch is one of the very best products of an era of deconstructionism. Breathtaking Technicolor cinematography–Peckinpah had an artist’s eye even if he was an bipolar cokehead–a gorgeous score by Jerry Fielding, brilliant performances by Ernest Borgnine and William Holden, and absolutely dazzling foreshadowing in the scorpion scene are what awaits the viewer. This is the film that earned Peckinpah the nickname “Bloody Sam” for his fetishistic slow-motion shots of spraying blood, which look positively quaint nowadays. A film where the director spent the entire duration of production eating peyote and washing it down with tequila should be an incoherent mess, and yet it’s amazing.
 
It’s right up there with The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly as one of the very best 1960s revisionist Westerns.
UrbanMysticDee
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Liberty Belle - Sings the song of the unchained

Bae > Bay
One movie that definitely does not suck is Tenet, written and directed by Christopher “Bravo” Nolan and starring John Washington and some other people whose names escape me. The whole time I was struck by how much Washington, playing the part of the appropriately named “Protagonist”, reminded me of a young Denzel Washington, including the spot-on voice. That’s because he’s Denzel Washington’s son.
 
The movie is about time travel entropy reversal, and it definitely takes multiple viewings to understand the thing, which is great because rewatchability is important for movies that don’t suck.
 
The visual effects are stunning. They really blew up a 747 jet. Bravo indeed.
 
The movie also makes several references to this thing:
 
full
UrbanMysticDee
Chatty Kirin - A user who has reached a combined 1000 forum posts or comments.
Liberty Belle - Sings the song of the unchained

Bae > Bay
I realized something about the war in Terminator. It’s impossible.
 
Skynet, which is either a mainframe or some sort of distributed program across the Internet (depending on which movie you go by) launches nukes and wipes out human civilization.
 
Something happens.
 
Then robots have enslaved humans, there’s a war, humans win, last desperate effort the machines send Arnold back in time followed by Kyle Reese and the original movie happens.
 
The big problem is that step 2. “Something happens.” The something that needs to happen cannot happen following a nuclear war.
 
So nuclear war in 1997 kills off the majority of the population. 3 billion people die in the initial disaster. From what we know about nuclear war 90% of the population will be dead within 1 year. That leaves just 500 million survivors by the end of 1998.
 
Assuming Skynet survives, it somehow has to magic an entire army of killer robots to round up the surviving humans, who are scattered all over the planet, and ship them overnight for an additional fee to the US (the main Skynet HQ is in Colorado) to dispose of bodies (why not have robots do that?) and other stuff.
 
There’s that big problem. Skynet, after totally destroying the entire energy, manufacturing, and shipping system of the entire world and killing off most, if not all, of the people who know how to fix it, somehow builds an entire army of robots and enslaves the remaining humans. How?
 
In the 3rd movie we saw that the military was working on making model 1 terminators, but there were only a handful of prototypes, not nearly enough to enslave 500 million humans. Even if Skynet launches the nukes at exactly the right locations (which it couldn’t, because it only launched the American nukes at Russia, the Russians launched their nukes in retaliation, which would destroy all the critical infrastructure in the US) to spare key factories for building robots (which don’t exist, and factories can’t just be retooled to shift from refrigerator manufacturing to killer robot manufacturing because factories don’t work that way), what would it do about power? Power plants are fail safe. If human operators don’t input the right set of switches or whatever every so many hours or days the plants automatically shut down and can’t be remotely started up again. Nuclear war will also destroy the power grid as surely as an ice storm knocked out the entire Texas power grid. And even if Skynet somehow has undamaged factories and an intact power grid, where is it going to get raw materials? Robots are single purpose. You can’t use an automotive robot arm to mine coal or iron, or drive a truck to bring the raw materials, on the highway network that would need to be rebuilt by construction robots that don’t exist, to the factories to be turned into more robots.
 
It’s totally impossible. The Terminator war cannot happen.
UrbanMysticDee
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Liberty Belle - Sings the song of the unchained

Bae > Bay
Moonrise Kingdom (2012) is a movie I’ve wanted to see for some time and now I have. It’s one of those “quirky” “art house” films that can either be a masterpiece or a steaming pile of shite, they can never be anywhere in between. This one is a masterpiece. Except for Bill Murray’s wooden fucking “acting”. It felt like he phoned the thing in for a paycheck. Other than that it was clearly flawless.
 
The movie follows the comedic escapades (played serious) of Sam, a boy who quits the scouts because they hate him, and Suzy, a girl who likes fantasy books, as they try to escape an entire small town who are trying to keep them apart. In the end they get to stay together and it just makes me so happy. It’s one of those very rare movies that had me so uplifted by the end.
 
97/100
Anonymous #633B
Disney’s Bolt - Quite possibly the only good Hollywood movie ever made.  
It’s pretty much a “lost dog finds owner again” story, but doesn’t feel like it. The movie’s so cute, I didn’t fap for three months after watching it, without even realising.
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