Here's another crappy movie called Solar Impact (2019)
Might as well call the movie "Women Get Men Killed: The Movie" because that's what happens. Women do stupid shit, men tell them to stop doing stupid shit, women do stupid shit anyway, zombies appear, men save women from zombies, and men get killed by zombies, and women don't learn the lesson to stop doing stupid shit and get more men killed.
In case you're wondering there's a channel called This that plays crappy movies, that's where a bunch of these reviews come from.
I didn't see the opening but I don't have to because the trailer gives everything away, including the very last scene.
Basically a Mercury capsule with astronaut Tom (who is in communication with "ground control") is in orbit 60 years after the program ended and it gets hit by meteors of "solar matter" that were ejected by a solar flare. These meteors hit London and maybe other places, maybe not, since a post-credits scene shows New York, Moscow, Shanghai, and some other city totally unharmed. The radiation from these solar meteors causes normal people to turn into zombies but electronics are all fine since cars, radios, lights, and elevators all still work.
If someone gets bitten by a solar zombie their skin begins to melt like alka seltzer within minutes (because that's how they do the effect) and they turn into a zombie.
Four people, two men, two women, leave from London to Cardiff for some reason. There's guy in open jacket, guy in closed jacket (his name is Jim I think), girl with two tone hair, and girl with black hair. They reach a building that I think is supposed to be a hospital. The women are like "We have to go in for some reason, maybe there's people inside we can save," and one of the guys says "No, we shouldn't because it's obviously a shit idea and we'll get killed." Chicks are like "Nah, fam, it'll be fine. We're going in anyway." And they go in and the guys have to follow. Inside the hospital guy with open jacket gets bit protecting two-tone hair. He wakes up later in a hospital bed and asks two-tone to marry him before turning into a zombie and locking her out of the room before he's turned completely so he can't eat her.
In another room black hair and Jim meet up with a doctor who is tending to his dying daughter who we don't see since the budget can't afford that many actors, so she's hidden behind a curtain and doesn't say anything. He tells them a million times they have to leave and black hair doesn't listen to reason. "I have to find my sister." "Well," says the doctor, "she's not here, it's just me, the others left." Black hair says "I don't care, I haven't gotten anyone killed yet so I'm not leaving." But they do leave and meet up with two-tone who tells them open jacket was bit. One or both of the women tries to talk to him through the window and we see the alka seltzer on his face bubbling and the incurable blood dripping from his nose.
They leave and go into the woods that don't exist in England because they cut them all down. The women are crying and are just fucking useless, and I have zero sympathy for them because they got the other guy killed for no reason.. In the woods black hair has a hammer and the others have no weapons at all. One of them wants to stop and Jim wants to keep going, so they stop and two-tone gets attacked by a zombie. Jim beats the zombie to death with a stone and they look at two-tone who is crippled now or something. She's on the ground snarling at them, trying to grab them but she can't. They abandon her in the woods.
They make it to Cardiff that night despite it being 150 miles away from London. They find black hair's sister alive and well at the house of some hippie guy with long hair and a beard. She was never in the hospital, she wasn't even in London, half the party was killed for zero fucking reason.
Hippie guy is an alcoholic but he's smart. He's a high functioning alcoholic. Black hair takes a bath because the water system is working too and she almost drowns. I had a hope spot for a moment there. The car alarm goes off because Hippie Guy's neighbor set it off. He turned into a zombie last week (how long has this been going on?) and Hippie Guy didn't kill him because he wasn't a danger until now. The alarm isn't want woke up black hair, she heard Hippie Guy's wife moving around tied up in the bedroom. She was bit or turned from one of the sun meteors and Hippie Guy is waiting for a cure to be invented. He tells the others that they've been going around murdering people for fun and he only kills zombies who attack him first, and he's right. He's never gotten anyone killed.
The next morning loads of zombies arrive and somehow Hippie Guy's wife gets untied from the bed and bites him so he has to shoot her with his illegal UK gun that's totally illegal. He goes outside, sets off the car alarm, and kills as many zombies as he can while the others escape. This guy has been alive and well for a week, maybe two, and it's not even 24 hours after these women arrive that he gets killed. They are the villains of the movie, not the zombies. They're walking disaster areas.
The three survivors head off to a church somewhere and lock themselves in but surprise surprise the zombies followed them there. Jim holds them off while the women run up to the roof to contact people with a wireless radio they have from the Hippie Guy. Jim manages to survive after being swarmed by 12 zombies and runs up to the roof. He's the only man who lives.
The three of them are on the roof when we hear a sniper team say the lines from the trailer "There's 3 people on the roof, awaiting orders to rescue or shoot them." And it ends there with a WHORE-OR!! edgy cliffhanger ending that I really hate.
Speaking of the title, here's a block quote I won't be able to see of a review on IMDB that says exactly what I said:
This film was just really bad it should be called one girl gets everyone else around her killed . I created this account just to review this , me and my wife have watched thousands of movies and this one commited the worst crime it was boring , I actually had to check my heart rate multiple times as I thought I had passed away.
It was shite. And for a budget allegedly of $35 million they really could have done a whole lot better. That's not some B-movie budget, that's a good chunk of change. But it's not the effects, the acting, or cinematography that sinks this, it's the writing. I just can't stand the characters and want them to die, and when you want to see the characters die and it's a horror movie (unless it's like Final Destination where the whole point is to kill assholes for your amusement) that's a fatal flaw because there's no reason to get invested in the characters.
Not as bad as Pines, but Solar Impact is still another F.