This is the REAL story of Thanksgiving.
There was a king in England who liked committing all 7 deadly sins at the same time. He was impotent because he was obese. His impotence prevented him from having a male heir but he's the king so he blamed his wife and wanted to divorce her. But divorce is a sin so the Pope wouldn't allow it so the king said "I'll just make my own church, with blackjack and hookers!"
So King Makebelieve created his own religion and called it "The Church of England". It was based around the king's infallibility. He used his new power to grant himself a divorce and marry his wife's sister who also didn't give him a son so he chopped her head off. Rinse and repeat 5 more times. He gets tired and old and his body is riddled with sores and pus so he marries some old woman and she takes care of him and he doesn't dare chop her head off because now he's an invalid. With his new unlimited power he destroys the true churches and confiscates all their land and property to make himself richer because he spends more money on the horses at the dog track every day than a typical peasant makes in a hundred lifetimes.
King Fatass dies from syphilis or gout or something and the one son he managed to produce takes the throne. A new German heresy is introduced into England. The son catches ill and dies without producing an heir. Before he died he looked in a mirror and said "Bloody Mary" three times and she came out of the mirror
and became the queen (look it up, it's true).
Bloody Mary also died after a few years and she was replaced by Elizabeth, the daughter of Anne Boleyn who King Fatass beheaded because he couldn't get his dick up. You'd think that would be grounds for her getting revenge against her father's legacy, but no, she strengthened his legacy because it gave her absolute power. She then started a whole lot of wars because every woman in history who took power has started more wars than male rulers but we have to pretend like women are the kind, gentle ones even though you can look at any predatory mammal and see the females are the vicious hunters and the males are laid back and defend the tribe.
Elizabeth created a cult of personality
and used her power to conquer the world
. During her reign or thereabouts it was made illegal not to be a member of the Church of England and worship the idol of the monarch.
This pissed off a group of "separatists" who had adopted German heresy. They wanted to worship their own heresy, not King Fatass' heresy, insisting that Jesus was lying when he said the bread and wine were his body and blood, among other things. So they got in a ship and sailed off to Dutchland, where tulips are grown and pot is abundant. But they didn't like the libertine attitude of the Hollandaise so they got on another ship and sailed to America, which hadn't been invented yet.
Now we need to skip back a few centuries. Death saw that there were too many humans and wanted to kill half of them so it sent hemorrhagic fever throughout the old world. But that wasn't good enough because it couldn't cross the ocean to the new world, so Death was pissed. Death had to wait a long time for the Hwite Man to invent ships and carry hemorrhagic fever to the new world, which he did, because the Hwite Man did everything worth doing and invented everything worth inventing. When the Hwite Man reached the new world the hemorrhagic fever (called cocoliztli by the new worlders) spread throughout the Americas and eradicated most of the inhabitants, balancing Death's books.
Now the Separatists arrive at a nearly empty America. They find abandoned villages because most of the "natives" have died. They didn't steal anything because there was no one there to steal from because the "natives" were all dead. The separatists decided to use these perfectly good abandoned buildings to shelter in while they built a new town on the coast. During that time they ran into a handful of "native" survivors. The two groups realized they couldn't survive without each other so they worked together and managed to survive. They were so happy that they decided to throw a feast giving thanks to God. They called it Thanksgiving.
That feast has been celebrated to this day. No one could agree on a date until The Big D, Franklin D. Elinor Roosevelt, a man who fancied himself a god, said "Thanksgiving is the last Thursday in November. So let it be written, so let it be done."
While that was happening some German communists, disillusioned with communism's inability to sweep across the world after the World War, invented "Fabian Socialism" and "Critical Theory" and spent several generations poisoning academia and infiltrating the governments of the West. They taught hwite people to hate themselves because of their race, and spread the big lie that the Hwite Man from centuries ago wasn't the greatest hero to ever live but stole land from the noble savages, who totally didn't engage in constant warfare, plunder, murder, rape, slavery, burning forests to the ground, running entire herds of buffalo off a cliff to get some meat and letting the rest rot, and generally being dicks. But they're not hwite so you have to worship them and hate yourself. Now you can't celebrate Thanksgiving, you have to celebrate Hate The Hwite Man Day and Big Black Dildo Day and Cultural Enrichment Day.
And that's the TRUE story of Thanksgiving.