UrbanMysticDee 
Bae > Bay
Conservativism is predicated on two fundamentally contradictory desires:
1. Bringing back 1950s "Americana" where a man with a factory job can support a wife, two and a half kids (how do you get half a kid anyway?), a house in the suburbs with a main street and mom and pop shops and no globalism, two cars, a white picket fence, and two weeks of vacation every year, one of which he spends fixing his car, and then is able to retire on a pension in a country where there is no crime, no drugs, no foreigners, where all politicians are good conservatives who coincidentally are all adulterers and draft dodgers like John Wayne, and where everyone is a Southern Baptist holy roller.
and
2. Infinite taxpayer funded welfare for billionaires and multi-trillion dollar multinational corporations who offshore jobs, destroy small towns with mom and pop shops, import unlimited slave labor from the third world, along with millions of tons of drugs, and buy elections, stuffing the government with corporate neo-liberals who enact policies that increase crime, depress wages making it impossible for a man to support a family on a single income, break apart families, and outlaw Christianity.
Free trade and trickle down economics are incompatibly with 1950s pro-family small town America
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Conservative: Here's a person I believe is a sick, degenerate, worthless piece of shit who has no kids. This person MUST have kids.
Me: Why would you want someone you believe is a sick, degenerate, worthless piece of shit to have kids who they will undoubtedly abuse?
Conservative: Because the false god of conservativism demands more human misery. Suffering and shooting out kids like a machine gun are the top commandments of conservativism.
Me: But don't you complain all the time how people shooting out kids are just breeding more Democrats you hate? Wouldn't encouraging people you believe are sick degenerates to have loads and loads of kids just make conservativism even more irrelevant?
Conservative: Yes, and that's the point. Conservativism is only profitable if conservatives lose elections so we never run out of things to complain about. Conservativism is a grift.
1. Bringing back 1950s "Americana" where a man with a factory job can support a wife, two and a half kids (how do you get half a kid anyway?), a house in the suburbs with a main street and mom and pop shops and no globalism, two cars, a white picket fence, and two weeks of vacation every year, one of which he spends fixing his car, and then is able to retire on a pension in a country where there is no crime, no drugs, no foreigners, where all politicians are good conservatives who coincidentally are all adulterers and draft dodgers like John Wayne, and where everyone is a Southern Baptist holy roller.
and
2. Infinite taxpayer funded welfare for billionaires and multi-trillion dollar multinational corporations who offshore jobs, destroy small towns with mom and pop shops, import unlimited slave labor from the third world, along with millions of tons of drugs, and buy elections, stuffing the government with corporate neo-liberals who enact policies that increase crime, depress wages making it impossible for a man to support a family on a single income, break apart families, and outlaw Christianity.
Free trade and trickle down economics are incompatibly with 1950s pro-family small town America
----------------
Conservative: Here's a person I believe is a sick, degenerate, worthless piece of shit who has no kids. This person MUST have kids.
Me: Why would you want someone you believe is a sick, degenerate, worthless piece of shit to have kids who they will undoubtedly abuse?
Conservative: Because the false god of conservativism demands more human misery. Suffering and shooting out kids like a machine gun are the top commandments of conservativism.
Me: But don't you complain all the time how people shooting out kids are just breeding more Democrats you hate? Wouldn't encouraging people you believe are sick degenerates to have loads and loads of kids just make conservativism even more irrelevant?
Conservative: Yes, and that's the point. Conservativism is only profitable if conservatives lose elections so we never run out of things to complain about. Conservativism is a grift.